Due to my extreme short attention span I couldn't even finish
my own idiotic tale. If anyone would feel inclined to write an
ending to the lil tale, feel free and let me know !
Once upon a time there was a fairy. It wasn't like he was a really good
one. For one thing we all know that fairies should not be male and they
only called him fairy because he was pretty fair on account of sitting in
the house reading books all the time.
And he looks pretty stupid in that little dress anyway. But one tries to
abide cliches as much as possible. After all stories are stories and
certain guidelines have to be followed.
Once upon a time and a couple of seconds later we find our fairy sitting
at the table drinking some warm milk and reading the Almanac about wands.
This whole wand business is another thing that he didn't quite master yet.
For example he didn't have one to start with. The Almanac mentioned that a
one could get his (or more properly her) hands on a wand by a) heritage or
b) a useful, experience enriched and helpful quest. So our hero (well
he-ro would be more appropriate where Ro is for Rodney, his name) sets out
on a quest because he isn't good at anything else and he really wants to
be something at least.
He leaves the house the next morning and travels along the roads not quite
knowing where to start and what to do. Which brings him into the old
He walks lightly, enjoys the sun, the singing birds, the smell of the
trees, and normally whistling a tune would fit right into this picture
wouldn't it be for the fact that Rodney the Fairy couldn't get the hang of
whistling. While trying for years people already learned not to be around
because of all the spittle flying around and the distressing way Rodney
looks while trying very hard with a face all red to get a sound from
between his lips. Maybe it's the little gap between his upper two front
teeth. Nobody knows and everyone stopped to care and hoped he would stop
So Rodney treads unconcerned through the leaves, looks and feels really
happy for once, closes his eyes, takes a deep breath and almost jumps when
a voice says "Hey, do you mind !"
Not seeing anyone around does the trick of startling you most of the
times. Until you know where to look of course. At the height of your boots
in this case. Looking down Rodney spots a little midget with a red pointy
hat. The source of the voice squints up and expresses his concern "You
almost stepped on me you big bugger, can't you watch out a little,
sheesh". Rodney being the kind person he is thinks it's thrilling he meets
one of these famed creatures. Everyone with a bit more knowledge about the
world knows they aren't that thrilling at all, they talk mostly about
trees and beer which they make out of leaves incidentely. Rodney being new
to all this tries to engage the little man in a conversation which,
suprise, ends up going about trees and the characteristics of leaves this
year and the taste they give to the beer.
(These little people aren't as alcoholic as one would expect because
of the limited amount of things they talk about. You just have to
drink beer on a regular and healthy basis to be able to talk about
trees most of the times in the first place.)
Rodney trying to get the conversation going another way informs about the
cute red and white mushrooms he just knows the little man lives in at
which he gets the reply
"Don't be silly, we don't live in mushrooms, where did you get that idea ?"
(from the Almanac of course)
"Where do you live then ?"
"Well, see that little bush over there (excellent leaves by the way) ? A
little bit to the left"
"Ehr, the pumpkin ?"
"Yes, thats it"
"So you ehm kinda live in a .... pumpkin ?"
"Yeah whats wrong with that ?"
"Oh nothing, not totally what I expected. You should live in a white and
red dotted mushroom with little windows and a door and stuff like that"
"Hmm.. novel idea"
We'll cut the whole discussion short by skipping to the end of the evening
where Rodney for the first time in his life enjoyed the special brew of
the little people.
After he leaves the next morning he doesn't know that he did send out
ripples through history.
For one thing, the little man did try out Rodneys idea about the mushroom
which led to a revolution. Most of the little people went to live in the
new trendy mushroom homes leaving their pumpkins which got picked up by
kids because of the funny way they looked with them holes in them (which
are of course the windows and the door). These kids used the pumpkins in
some new festivity once a year. Which totally bypassed Rodney anyway.
The little people almost got extinct because they actually ATE some of
their homes and got delusional and dreamy and while wandering around
aimlessly and not quite straight got stomped and trampled on by animals
living in the forest and passing travellers. Another fact Rodney didn't
even hear about. History has it's funny ways to get written and to invent
So the next day Rodney travels further through the forest. Suddenly an
apple falls on his head. A nearby rabbit watches this, gets a brilliant
idea but is unable to express it. So much for science. Rodney in the
meanwhile kicks the tree and rubs his scalp. Some more apples fall out
of the tree and he eats them all but one very shiny looking red one
which he saves in his pocket because for some reason it looks to perfect
to be eaten.
Suddenly he hears a voice again, this time from behind a tree saying:
"Fwew, you're not a big bad wolf".
Rodney recalling his reflection in the mirror has to admit that no, he
doesn't look like a wolf. That would be like saying a squirrel resembles a
tiger. The voice turns out to belong to a little girl dressed in red
carrying a basket covered over with a blanket.
"Why did you think that" Rodney wonders
"Well I heard you coming and well since it's just the day to whistle and
you didn't and mom warned me about the wolf I just thought i'd better hide
behind a tree to see who would come up from behind me on the path" the
little girl explains.
"hmmm... that wouldn't have tricked the wolf I guess, because you know
they would smell you, but nevertheless, you say your mother actually
knows about the wolf and still sends you out here ? for what actually ?"
"Cause my granny is taken ill and my mom thought to send her something to
drink and eat and to see hows she's doing. You know, they don't quite get
along very well, my mom and granny that is" replies the little girl.
Rodney thinks this over and is still bothered by it "One would think that
if the little daughter you REALLY love and care about is or could
be in some danger, some danger you even know about is or could be there,
you wouldn't send your daughter away at all"
He adds "But I can walk a little along with you if you're going the same
way as I am" which he had to admit to himself he didn't have the faintest
idea about. After all, this was a quest and he had to act it out as
spontaniously as possible to be able to succeed and get the wand and
some purpose in his life he so much craved for.
So they talked and walked and proceeded through the forest without any
harm coming to them. Granny was pretty much okay besides having a cold
which our modern science, that tries to heal a single person against
all odds and turns millions of people into dust within fractions of a
second with one single bomb, would have known was hay fever actually.
Rodney didn't know about this cliche actually or the story about the
little girl, completely with red hood, the wolf and granny if you want to
know and would be quite disappointed by it not happening at all. This
wasn't caused by the wolf not being there or being very frightened at the
looks of Rodney but because the wolf in question simply had a bad
toothache and didn't bother with eating people that day. Which turned out
for the best for everyone especially for the wolf on account of him not
getting sliced open and all that.
What did happen is that the little girl came home with some serious doubts
about motherly love and was quite depressed for some time in which she
visited Dr. Schrink, the village doctor, a lot. He more or less helped
her, one never knows, it could be because of growing up too. He then went
to a collegue in a nearby town who heard about how much Schrink helped
people by just talking with them and how greatful they would be and that
he sometimes got gifts because of that. He again mentioned this fact to
another collegue in a real city and soon enough there was a new
For the sensitive reader, history didn't record anything about the actual
feelings or care of the mother in question. But it's just to illustrate
that a quite unimportant persons without a real purpose in life like
Rodney caused some ripples in reality and history getting (re)written.
Did the story already mention the funny way...., ehm yes it did.
To be continued...